march thirty-one

Easter Sunday

Easter has usually been a pretty calm holiday in my family. It usually consists of the four of us going to church and then going to see my Grandpa then eating at my Grandma's. I have very few memorable Easter moments other than the two Easters that my sister and I got Disney tents. One year we got a Beauty and the Beast tent, the next year was Pocahontas. I can't tell you much more about these tents other than I know that I did a cartwheel into the Beauty and the Beast tent on Easter morning and broke the pipes that hold it together. That was the end of that.

As we got older, Easter faded out and we went from getting a basket full of gifts to just getting a basket full of candy. This Easter, I woke up to no baskets. When I walked into the kitchen to get some breakfast, I saw this sitting on the counter. 

As I looked at it mother said, "Happy Easter, this is the community basket. But you only get three Reese's and two Heavenly Hash". What a kind bunny he was.

At my Grandma's house I was greeted, as usual, by my cousin and all sorts of One Direction greatness. She had dyed eggs for each of the members and I had a mini-meltdown when I was digging in the basket and thought she had forgotten my very favorite forever boy. 

Thankfully, I found him.

I can never ever ever pass up the opportunity to go visit the very first cardboard cutout to ever come into my life, which currently lives in my cousin's room. It is becoming a holiday tradition for me to spend time with Mr. Niall Horan. This Easter, we coordinated our dress.

The rest of the day we spent as a family at the Hornets game. They gave out Anthony Davis bobbleheads and actually won the game for a change! (Maybe one day soon I'll post about my love for basketball.)

march twenty eight

I am currently on Spring Break and it is genuinely hurting to be away from my kids for so long. However, I decided to go visit my bezzy in Dallas for two days! Although the drive was horrible, she was very right (as usual) when she told me that it would be totally worth it when I got there.

Before I get into our epic two days where we barely did anything, I need to start with this disclaimer. I have never written about my best friend before so there are a few things you may need to know.

• we are exactly the same- when I say the same, it is scary.
• we are very different- she is loud and bright and peppy, i am all of the opposite
• we can read each other minds and finish each others obscure sentences and references
• we laugh constantly and I am not exaggerating- our friendship is constant laughter and smiles
• we are weird
• we LOVE One Direction
• we call each other bez/Bezzy (her)/Bezza (me) - this stems from our previous bullet point and long story short, it's the British term/abbreviated term for best friend

When I informed Bez that I was going to visit her she was obviously incredibly excited. The disappointing part was that we would only be able to hang out for two days due to her work schedule and my schedule. This meant that if we wanted to get in optimum bezzy time, I would have to leave very early in the morning for my 8 hour journey.

It was all worth it in the end. I was so very excited to be reunited with my bez. She offered for me to take a nap but I neglected to listen to her advice (should have). We went on our way. I think over the course of two days we did more shopping than two people should be allowed to do. It mostly consisted of me walking along behind her making faces of approval or disapproval at her choices (fashion- one of the many ways we are not the same).

My very favorite thing we did while I was there was go to a Mavericks game. I have loved the Mavs for almost two years and it has always been a goal of mine to go to a game at the AAC. To make a long story short- they played the Clippers. It was awesome. They went into overtime. We made friends. I lost my Batman pen. The Mavericks won.

The basketball game lasted way longer than we expected. Unfortunately, we opted out of eating before or at the game because we would 'grab some food after'. Little did we know that 'after' was 12:30 in the morning. This meant that we would take a little adventure to In 'n Out. Not only was it delicious (duh) but it was quite a lovely moment sitting the a gas station parking lot at 1 in the morning eating hamburgers with your best friend.

Then I got Bez to eat a french fry with ketchup. To make this story more epic, Bezzy loathes ketchup. She refuses to eat it and it just weirds her out. So I take it upon myself, simply because I know it grosses her out, to always ask her what it would take to get her to eat a certain amount of ketchup. While we are chilling in the parking lot at 1 in the morning, I decided to see how much she loved me- I asked her if she would eat one of my french fries, with ketchup. She debated it for a minute then finally gave in. Like a champ, she ate it and if you ask her about it now, she doesn't want to be reminded of it.

Day 2 consisted of going shopping (surprise), going to the movies (don't go see Spring Breakers), eating at the Cheesecake Factory (because it is my favorite restaurant everrrrrr) and laying in bed watching movies.

Over the two days, I didn't get nearly enough sleep and I laughed entirely too hard and we didn't do nearly the amount of things we wanted to. But none of that matters. As I left in the morning, no matter how incredibly INCREDIBLY sad I was, I was so thankful. I was thankful to have a best friend that I can count on for anything. I was thankful to know that she is my person and I trust and adore her above all else. And even though we are weird, and we have our own secret language and people make fun of us, I wouldn't trade our friendship in for anything.

BUCKET LIST UPDATE

Visit all 50 States: Texas

march twenty-one

Easter parties today at school! All of my students were so excited for their Easter egg hunt and ice cream sundaes. I am going to miss them so incredibly much over Spring Break.

march twenty

Even on the worst of all days, my students find a way to make me smile. "Ms. Sapera, I brought you these. It is your Easter present. Everyone else will be jealous." Seven year olds making me smile for forever.

march seventeen

Love kicks the ass of time and space. – Hafiz

You call me up again just to break me like a promise. So casually cruel in the name of being honest. I’m a crumbled up piece of paper lying here because I remember it all too well. – Taylor Swift

From the rupture that was breaking our hearts, we came forth clean again. Naked, loving each other, without dream, without sand, complete and radiant, sealed by fire. – Paulo Neruda

march sixteen

Graduation invitations came in the mail! It has taken me six years, but it's finally happening!


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Love your solitude and bear the pain of it without self-pity. The distance you feel from those around you should trouble you no more than your distance from the farthest stars. – Rilke

Love life in a form that is not your own and be kind to all the people who are afraid of their aloneness. – Rilke

march fifteen

Misconception of Teaching #1: Field trips are fun.

Although this statement is partially true, “fun” would not be the first word I would use to describe my first field trip experience.

Hectic, stressful, responsible, fun, confusing

I had an excellent time not having to be in charge of any students at the aquarium and being able to roam freely. However, I found that being on a field trip leaves me infinitely more exhausted than standing in the classroom and teaching all day does. Funny how that happens.

 It was such a beautiful, sunny day outside. The kids really enjoyed getting to run around outside along the river.

Cute cute cute heartbreakers.

 Since we weren't in charge of any students, we got to explore the aquarium. We spent some time at the touch pools petting the sting rays.

And we raced some kids for the chance to put our faces in the starfish and the seal.

march fourteen

There is currently nothing in my life that makes me as happy as teaching does. I genuinely love every moment I spend in the classroom. No matter what my attitude is when I wake up in the morning, I know that when I walk through the doors at school, I will feel calm and excited to face the day before me. I don’t think I have ever been more confident in anything in my life as I am in my teaching. I don’t necessarily feel as if I HAVE to try hard to be successful, instead it just comes to me. However, I WANT to try hard to excel at something I love more than I’ll ever be able to explain. Every day has it’s fair share of crazy stories and hectic moments but I am thankful to say that I have yet to go home at the end of the day without a smile on my face and my heart.

I sincerely hope that this feeling that I have become so accustom to never fades. I hope that in the future I work at a school that grants me the opportunity to work with a team of teachers who are as phenomenal as the teachers I surround myself with daily. Not only are they top-notch educators but they are people that I truly love spending each and every day with. I wouldn’t want to spend my days in any other way.

Today at school we had our 9-weeks Cardinal Celebration. Each student was given the chance to dress up as something that expressed the first letter of their first or last name. Naturally, because I am a child, I considered it mandatory for me to participate as well. I loved seeing how the students expressed themselves and how excited they were to find out what I was going to show up to school wearing. After days and days of them passing suggestions my way (Spiderman, scientist, surfer, snake, seahorse) I decided to ‘express’ myself in my very favorite way.

 

Ms. Brame the baseball player and Ms. Sapera the superhero.

I unfortunately got many people, mostly girls and fellow teachers, asking if I was a transformer. I was willing to let that slide based on the fact that my costume was slightly gender biased. However, I did take offense to the fact that one of my students told me that I was wearing a 'boy costume'. Clearly, gender roles need to be addressed.

Just like every other day, I was completely blown away by my students. Their flair for creativity really made me smile. I love that they are so young yet to creative. It makes me happy to look forward to their futures and the great things that I know they will be able to put their creativity into.

We have our second grade field trip coming up tomorrow and I feel as if I cannot contain my excitement! It's going to be surreal being in charge of my very own students and having to discipline an entire bus of students. I'm looking forward to the challenge and the learning experience!

Show him how happy a thing can be, how innocent and ours, how even a lament takes pure form. - Rilke

 And when I got home I needed somewhere to hang my hat. Billionaire philanthropist playboy Harry Styles.

march thirteen

 The soul, and I think any being, really wants to love, more than be loved. - Hafiz

 

I do not struggle often with the weight of anxiety. There are very few things that I let take hold of me for long without setting myself free. However, it seems as if every day I am weighed down by the anxiety of being 'good enough'.

I want to be a 'good enough' friend. I am very aware of the kind of friend that I am. I know I am 1000% faithful to the (often) bitter end. I speak the genuine truth from my heart and I believe that friends deserve the recognition of knowing their value and seeing how happy they make me every day. It took me a while to learn that the way that I show value and appreciation is not the same way my friends will reciprocate those feelings. For a while, I wanted to hear the words in return and when I didn't get them, I assumed that they weren't true. It wasn't until someone opened my eyes to the great things that my friends do for me that I realized, everyone has their own way of saying "you matter to me". They pointed out to me that I say it with words because the words come to easy to me. However, for others, words are difficult. I shouldn't expect someone to show their appreciation the exact same way I do.

Unfortunately, learning to see how someone else shows appreciation doesn't diminish the anxiety of feeling like you aren't good enough. Everyone has that awkward moment in a friendship when you're not sure if you you should call someone your best friend because you don't actually know if you're that person's best friend in return. You'll never be able to be inside of someone's head. You'll never know everything they are thinking and everything they are feeling. You have to learn to trust their actions and their words and have faith that what you know is true. The faith in the truth is where my struggle lies. I can hear the words on repeat and see the truth before me, but for a reason I don't want to admit, I have the hardest time believing it. I wish more than anything I could take it for what it's worth at the end of every day. But instead, I just have to remind myself that I am worthy of all the friendships I have and that the world is not filled with liars who seek out to make me think they are my friends when they actually aren't.

I guess we will never really know if we are truly someone's first friend. We may never really know if there is one person out there who will always choose you first, in every situation. But I see it as, we have two choices. We can let that anxiety of the unknown weigh us down or we can more forward and believe that to someone, we are the first friend.

We cannot choose everything simultaneously. So we love in danger of becoming paralyzed by the indecision, terrified that every choice we make may be the wrong choice. - Committed

march ten

My life is about to take its drastic changes into adulthood. I can't say if I am ready or not and I guess I won't actually know the answer to that question until the transition is complete. 

So, as this year progresses and I go through the process of graduating college, getting my first big kid job, moving into an apartment that is all my own and discovering and molding my life into what I want it to be, I decided to keep track of it all here in my blog.

To start, here's what you can probably expect. 

1. You can look forward to a lot of pictures. 

I do my best to document all of the happenings of my life because even though the memories in my mind may fade, the pictures are forever.

2. I'll be asking a lot of questions. 

This is a common theme of my life. I have a hard time accepting a lot of ways of the world and reasons for things. Therefore, I question things often. I know that in the next year, I'll have more questions than ever.

3. Expect to laugh - often.

Laughter is the greatest thing I have in my life and I cherish it more than almost anything. I love smiling more than I love almost any other feeling in the world and I do my best to find the happiness and laughter in any situation, even those that should break you.

4. There will be adventures.

I live with the outlook on life that our entire lives are one long journey and we go on all of these adventures throughout to end up right where we are supposed to be in the end. I want to fill my life with as many adventures and memories as possible and I want to share them all with the people I love the most and with you. 

5. You can expect honesty.

I've struggled for a while with honesty and its value to me and to other people. Over time, I learned that one of the kindest things you can do for another person is to be genuine and to be honest. I never let the opportunity to speak the truth pass me by, especially if it's a kind and honest truth to/about someone else.

"Everything carries me to you. As if everything that exists- aromas, light, metals- were little boats that sail toward those isles of your that wait for me." - Paulo Neruda