sometimes life is like this

2014
Can we take a moment to discuss air travel etiquette?

(With a little help from my good friend, master of manners, Emily Post.)

"Patience, courtesy, flexibility and a sense of humor will serve you well."

If you know me, or if you don't, you may know that I have spent a lot of my quarter-life in travel. My parents thought it essential to take vacations as often as possible during my childhood and as a result, I have spent a lot of times in planes, trains and cars. I will tell you now, there is no place more hectic, stressful and crowded than an airport. I will also let you know that my biggest pet peeve is improper airport/airplane etiquette.

Air travel lends itself to a very unique blend of cultures that you often don't find when traveling by car or train. In a car or train, a majority of the passengers are probably from the same country or culture. When in an airplane, you have absolutely no idea who you are riding with. This is when it is of the utmost importance to mind you manners.

At Check-In

First of all, when you pull your car up to a curbside check-in, please don't block someone else from leaving. It is an airport, everyone has places to be. Everyone has a schedule. If you block someone in, they can't get to the place they need to be. Be mindful of where you stall your car. If you have to walk a few extra car-lengths, I do not think that it will cause you much harm.

Know the regulations before you arrive. Luggage restrictions these days are confusing. We live in an age where they are constantly being reformed and revised. They are also inconsistent from airline to airline. It is understandable to have questions about how much your bag can weigh, how big your carry-on can be, how much an extra bag costs, etc. However, the place and time to ask these questions is BEFORE you get to the airport. Do your research online. Put your suitcase on a scale at your house to estimate its weight before you leave. There is nothing more frustrating and stressful for you and allllll the people in line behind you than you opening up your suitcase and trying to even out the weight of your overweight checked baggage.

There will be a line- whether at the curb or inside. Just be prepared. Have all of your papers, ID's, luggage tags and such filled out and ready to go. It is easy to get flustered at the counter between shuffling baggage and letting the skycap know where you are headed. Just try to come prepared, take a few deep breaths and everything will run more smoothly. You'll get done faster and the people behind you will be grateful for your getting of their way. And if there's not a line, it's your lucky day.

You have to have your ID. There is nothing else to say. You have to have your ID. You may as well make sure it is easily accessible.

Security

"Be alert and efficient when going through security."'

None of it makes sense. The things that happen in a security airport line make no sense. Just accept that there are things you will never know. I will never know why at some airports I have to take off my shoes and at others I don't. I'll never understand why sometimes I realize I accidentally left from scissors in my carry-on and nobody caught it. I'll never understand why I don't set off the metal detectors, yet I have to be wanded and patted down like a fugitive criminal. It will never make sense. Just do it, roll you eyes, keep your mouth shut and move on.

Don't be difficult. Do what they say, even if it doesn't make sense. Don't ask questions. They aren't asking you to strip naked and run through a gas chamber. Just grin and bare it. Don't cause a scene. Yes, it is frustrating when they have to open up your carry-on and disrupt all of your neatly packed belongings because they 'thought' they saw something which just ends up being a toothbrush. It's annoying, trust me I know. But it is their job and at the end of the day, they keep you safe. So accept the two minutes it takes and shut your mouth.

Don't take forever. Wear shoes that can come off quickly. Know which things you need to take out of your bag and which things you don't. It will make the line go more smoothly and keep people behind you much happier.

The buckets. There is no reason on earth you need more than two buckets. NO REASON.

Move your things away from the end of the machine when you are finished. There is usually a nice seating area a few feet away. Gather your belonging in your hand and take a stroll on over there. Get out of the way of all the people trying to get their stuff. You can put your watch back on over there.

At the Gate

Mind your space. There are usually less seats than passengers that will be boarding the plane. A majority of these people don't want to stand. When you sit down at your gate, be mindful of your space. Watch where you put your luggage. Place it on the floor near your feet so that it is not in an unoccupied seat or in the walkway. It is acceptable to skip seats when you sit down. No one wants to sit next to a stranger if it is not necessary. But if someone politely asks you to move down so that their family can sit together, please be kind and consolidate seats.

Be mindful of what you do. From now on in your air travel day, there will be a lot of people in close quarters. It is important to be aware of what you are doing. With so many people around, someone's eyes are always on you. Be mindful of what you read, eat, watch, listen to or do at the gate and even on the plane.

Boarding

Did I miss the part where this was a race? Seats are seats. They aren't going anywhere. There is no need for shoving.

There is no nicer or easier way to say this. The faster you sit your ass in a seat, the faster we can peace the fuck out.

"Start by holding your carry-on or shoulder bag in front of you, not at your side, as you walk down the aisle."

When we are sitting in the coveted aisle seat, we do not want you to bang us with your gigantic bag as you ram down the aisle. Hold you items closely and kindly in front or behind you.

The battle for the space above. We all know know how much room there is in an overhead compartment, don't take up the whole damn thing. If you have too much stuff, you can pay the price of having some of it sit at your feet. The compartment is there so that the whole row of seats can each place a bag above, not so that one person can occupy the entire thing.

In Flight

Don't battle for the armrest. Strategically, if the person on the aisle takes the outside armrest and everyone on the row follows suit, everyone would have their own armrest and there would be no space complaint. However, it doesn't usually work like this. Simple enough, don't be an armrest hog. Either take the front or the back.

To Chat or Not to Chat. There are very simple indications that people don't want to chat- earphones, short answers, looking away, other work. If you're the chatty Kathy, take these cues and acknowledge that you might be sitting next to someone who prefers to ride in silence. Not everyone wants to know your life story including what you do for a living, where you're going, how long you'll be there and what your dinner plans are for when you land.

To Wake or Not to Wake.
"It is perfectly okay to wake someone as long as you do it gently."

Contain your belongings. It is a limited space but it also for a limited time. It's understandable that you want to get work or art or stuff done while on the plane. Please make sure that your belongings do not exceed the space of your lap or your tray table. You are in close quarters and no one wants your bills in their laps.

Keep noise to a minimum. Have you ever sat on a plane and listened to it? It can be a very serene and silent place; almost kind of beautiful. BUT it can also be a nightmare. It can be full of rowdy groups of people, screaming babies, loud music. We all have the thing we like to do when we are on an airplane. Do your thing and keep it down. Remember that not everyone wants to hear you.

Shaking the seat. There is nothing more shocking than sleeping contently on a flight then OUT OF NOWHERE you feel like the earth is shaking beneath you and the plane is going to combust. Maybe it's not that dramatic but you really aren't expecting to be so blatantly disrupted while you are asleep. Or even not asleep. The two most common culprits of this cruel and unusual punishment are small children and urinating adults. Children need to be strictly warned by their parents that other people are on that plane and they don't want their tiny adorable feet rocking the seat back and forth while they sleep. Adults who are rising to go relieve their bladders need to consciously try to not grab a hold of the headrest in front of them to balance themselves. Try to use the armrest of your own seat or maybe be a bit gentler.

Be kind when you recline.

"Is reclining rude or is it your right?"

It is never exceeding the gesture to turn around and ask the person behind you if they mind if you recline your seat. Please just watch your speed. The person behind you is more than likely not expecting you to recline your seat back. You never know what they may have on their tray table or what they may be doing. Go at a slow pace and try not to rocket backwards.

Disembarking

"After the plane touches down and the seat belt lights go off, it really doesn't do any good to jump up and crowd the aisles."

Seriously, where you gonna go? I mean, I guess maybe you have a flight to catch. If that is the case, kindly ask your row if you can sneak out first or notify the steward so they can relocate you before the plane lands. There is no need to race each other off of the plane. You're just going to make people angry and then you have to face them as they eye you rudely at the baggage claim carousel.

Always offer to help. Sometimes you may encounter an elderly person or someone who is vertically challenged. They may need assistance retrieving their bags from overhead. What harm will it cause you to assist them? The faster you help them get their bags, the faster they can get out of the way and off of that plane.

Baggage Claim

Easily enough, get your stuff and get out of the way. If you are traveling with a lot of luggage or people (as my family always does) have the majority of your party stand away from the carousel while one person grabs the bags as they come by. Keep the bags away from the conveyor belt and out of the way of those waiting.

We all know it takes forever. There is no need to complain. You are at your destination. You don't have any more planes to catch. Hush up.

2015